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The Funeral
Episode Two, Season One

Original air date: 11-15-2001

The Funeral

This is the second episode of the live The Tick, and it is a lot different than episode one, The Tick vs. The Red Scare. The basic premise of this episode is that the world's greatest superhero, The Immortal, is visiting The City and Captain Liberty has been appointed as his local guide. She guides him right into her apartment, though, and he winds up dead in her bed.

Captain Liberty panics and convinces Bat Manuel to dress up in The Immortal's armor and go to his book signing while The Tick and Arthur take The Immortal's body back to the hotel.

The most amusing things in this episode are watching The Tick learn about death and watching the banter between Captain Liberty and Batmanuel; so far Batmanuel is the best character on the show. Perhaps the most disturbing thing is the lack of action (most of the show is just conversation) and the lack of evil and villainy.

Download a complete unofficial transcript of this episode in PDF from this site.

This episode features these Superheroes: The Tick, Arthur, Bat Manuel, Captain Liberty, and The Immortal

This episode features these Supervillains: None

The Tick at the Immortal's funeral

The Tick delivers a eulogy for the Immortal

Scorch mark from the Immortal

When The Immortal gets excited he looses control of his heat vision...


The Tick:
Death. The eternal blink; a capricious dance of 'now you stop movin' forever.'
What I wouldn't give to be in your sparkly gold moccasins today.
Bachman Turner Overdrive! He [The Immortal] once fought a guy who was made entirely of blackholes! Heavy...
Sounds like right to me...
Contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people.
We've got to get hep to the big sneaky if we're gonna slip our dead friend into this hotel room without being seen.
Here's what I don't get, chum; The Immortal talks about the hardships of growing up poor and dyslexic, he lists all of the incredible things that he's done and yet nowhere in his book does he mention the fact that he's dead.
Squeeze the milk of life into your dirty glass and drink it warm.
I could throw him that far…
We have a plan 'B'?
No moleste! No moleste!
Ewww! All stiff and stale!
Good thing this fella's invulnerable or we'd have had a real mess on our hands.
Good heavens…all we did was give a dead guy a lift…what's the big fuss?
Well, look at me, babblin' like the brook that knew too much.
Bye, Mortie!

Bat Manuel:
Yes, well, that's the sort of skullduggery one must expect at computer camp.
Also, I hear he's gay. Yeah, Janet, when you pick him up at the airport ask him if he's gay.
Wait, five years ago you were a man. A grown man. An adult man, waiting in the snow like a ten year old for...oh no, no, no, no, no, this is not what men do...
So you are a man, after all.
Batmanuel...What?...No, slow down Janet. You WHAT?
You had the perfect opportunity back there to meet and eventually couple with a sweetly scented daughter of Eve yet you hesitated…
Don't blame yourself…even if others do…
I'm Batmanuel size; why?
This is a crazy person plan!
I'm a better hero than the Immortal; I've slept with you lots of times and I never died.
You know if you'd asked out that girl at the Panda when I told you you'd be on a date right now instead of driving around in a makeshift hearse of your childhood hero.

Captain Liberty:
Just once I would like to meet a man who is nice and funny, and superhuman.
You're gonna get us thrown into jail, you dinks!

I had his official sleeping bag. The one with all the pictures of him on it. Oh, some kid filled it with rocks and dumped it into Lake Kennapaki.
Who made you the arbiter of cool?
( Batmanuel) It is Batmanuel's divine mission…he can do nothing about it.

The Immortal is dead!
(The Tick) Yes, well, let's not point out his shortcomings, chum.
You're The Immortal! You can't die!
How can I be a superhero in a world where The Immortal can die? He was THE IMMORTAL!!! I'm...I'm...I'm just hypoglycemic; what chance can I possibly have?

The General:
I'm startin' to like the cut of this man's jibberish...

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