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Die Fledermaus vs...oh what the heck, I can’t think of a, just read...
A ~`~`~ClAiRe CaLLeSeN~`~`~ oRiGiNaL...
Based off The Tick Happy reading!

“With the recent removal of the troops over seas, our country and others have seen a remarkable, yet eerie, lack of terror attacks. Our terror level is at a record low, and our country is loving it,”
The fake-blonde haired with to much hair spray woman on the news babbled on about politics.
Die Fledermous sighed contently as he leaned back in his red and black recliner, which matched the rest of the richly designed interior of the rest of his home, “No terrorist, no work for me to do.”
He closed his eyes and leaned back a bit more, causing the leather chair to squeak.
The T.V’s milky light filled the room, and the nighttime noise of The City flowed into the room through the window, which was left open due to the scorching summer heat.
Just as Die Fledermous was about to drift of to a lazy sleep, the phone rang.
He moaned as if it was painful to get up and picked up the phone.
“Hello? This better be good, I was in the middle of some important buisiness.”
“Die Fledermous, this is the mayor, The City needs your help. I’ve already called the Tick, Arthur, Sewer Urchin, Crusading Chameleon, and American Maid. We just need you.”
He sleazily smiled at the memories the last name listed brought up, “Well, you see, I’m on the phone right now, so I can’t come this moment, will you call me back?.”
“Die Fledermous, this isn’t just Chair Face, these are genuine terrorist, do you want another 9/11? Because if we don’t crack down on these people, they’ll get us. Don’t joke around.” The mayor sighed into the phone, “You need to realize there’s more to life than you.”
He just hung up the phone, “What’s he talking about? He’s got no idea. Ooh, Die Fled, you’re goin’ to California!.” He mused and flipped open his lap-top.
A few hours later, he had a flight for California booked, ready to leave as he does most of the times The City is in trouble.
He settled in his recliner once more and closed his eyes for his last rest of the week in his apartment.
“You get up out of that chair and help us right now you un-caring idiot!”
“What?” Die Fledermous opened his eyes to see his ‘girlfriend’, you could say, American Maid, and the others in their group standing in front of him.
“What the hell are you doing! How’d you get in here!” He shot up on his feet.
“Well, chum, “The Tick began, rubbing the back of his half-blue-covered head, “You left your door on the front steps and I moved it aside. You should be careful about what you leave out at night.” The Tick held up the remains of the old, somewhat rotting, former front door.
Die Feldermous groaned, “Alright, American sweetheart, I have plans, and I can’t let any ‘terrorist’ get in my way, or you for that matter, so if you excuse me, I must go.”
“Die Fledermous! I’m sick of you! You hear me, playboy? I’m tired of you being so lazy and careless! And you know what? We’re through, period!” She stormed out of the apartment without another word.
Sewer Urchin raised an eyebrow, “Uh oh, you’re busted, definitely.”
Arthur nodded, “What does she mean ‘through’? Your relationship wasn’t quite, for feelings should I say, you know? This is almost worse than when you let her fall and you went with the Ottoman”
“Hey! I remember that! I spoke British!” Tick remarked, remembering the strange moment.
“Oh, shut up, I fell because that stupid air plane crashed right into us, it wasn’t my fault. I would have gone with her, you know, American Maid?” Die Fledermous folded his arms in disgust, then paused “Wait! Come back!” Die Fledermous zipped out of the living room and to the front door, where he helplessly watched American Maid dart out of sight.
“Well, that didn’t go to well, anyhow,” Tick remarked with a frown.
The four stared and the floor and stayed silent for a moment or two.
”Alright, I’m gone, don’t expect me back for a while.” Die Fledermous frowned and left for his bedroom, stumbling on his trailing cape along the way.
After just a moment or two, he returned, bags packed and ready to go. He walked past his friends briskly, and out to the sidewalk, where he waved for a taxi.
“You’re just leaving?” Arthur asked with a peculiar look on his face.
He nodded, “See any reason not to? Now, I have to go, don’t bother calling, the phone will be disconnected.” And with that, he climbed into the taxi, his head just touching the low roof.
“Welcome to The City Airline, please stay seated through the entire flight, thank you.” The announcers voice clicked off as Die Fledermous seated himself and buckled his belt. The plane was filled with people from tip to end, but strangely enough, most of them were cowboys and cowgirls.
He turned and looked at the woman, a cowgirl, sitting next to him, who was staring at him.
“Sorry, sir, I didn’t mean ta stare at ya, yer just wearin’ some strange clothin’. What’s with it…wait, your onea them super-hero’s, aren’t you?” The woman gave him a friendly smile.
“Yes, I’m Die Fledermous.” He told the cowgirl in his somewhat deep voice, yet now he was sounding unusually depressed for his usual flirty tone for any girl.
“Well, I’m Tina Carter. You probably don’t recognize me here, but I’m actually a champion barrel racer. A star you could say in my state of good ‘ol God Blessed Tennessee.”
“Barrel Racer?” He asked, wondering what racing barrels had to do with Tennessee.
Tina chuckled, “Fleder, I’ll just call ya that, It doesn’t literally mean racing barrels, it means, riding a horse, then racing it around barrels and seeing who can go the fastest.
Die Feldermous nodded, looking over the woman. she was fairly muscular, had long blonde hair, old worn out Wranglers, a formerly white tee shirt, and of course, a Stetson. And, she was about in her 30’s.
“What brings you to Tennessee, boy?” she sipped some hot coffee from a foam Star Bucks cup.
“Tennessee? This plane’s to California, isn’t it?” He sat up, suddenly alert.
“California? You mean brat capitol of the world! But to the fact, nope, this goes to cowboy country.”
Die Fledermous slumped in his seat, “Oh wonderful.”
“Hey, There’s nothin’ wrong with Tennessee! But seriously, if you need a place to stay while you’re there, you’re welcome to stay at my ranch, as long as you stay working.” Tina laughed, then stopped, “And I’m serious about the condition.”
Die Fledermous nodded, “Thanks, Tina. I’ll try to keep by your rules.”
Tina flashed a large white smile, “ Welcome to cowboy country, boy. You’re gonna love it.”
He swallowed hard. Was this a start of a string of bad happenings? What’s next?


“The plane is now landing, stay seated until told to get up,” The announcers voice rang out once more and Die Fledermous swallowed, hoping his breakfast stayed where it was.
He rose out of his seat as the plane landed, his cape trailing a bit less dramtic then it usually does behind him. He silently followed Tina out of the plane, baggage in hands, to an old Ford pick-up.
“All right, kid. Climb in and I’ll show you to your…temporary home.” Tina chuckled.
Die Fledermous slid into the passenger seat silently.
Tina turned to him as the truck rumbled down the road, “Why the down face?”
Die Fledermous turned towards him, “Yes, I’m up set! I just got stuck in cow country for crying out loud! Am I supposed to be happy about that? Am I! And now, I found I’ve lost my only relalsionship! Though it may have been somewhat stricktly…anyways, the point is, I’m not happy, you hear?”
“Who didn’t hear?” She laughed.
He looked at his surroundings. It was all different than The City, than his home. What could you do in a puny town like this? He thought, or did he just think it?
“What can you do around here? Boy, you just won’t give us a chance, will you? Well, you can ride horses, round cattle, ride bulls, eat at the local diners, spread gossip and have it slap you in the back of the head in just an hour guaranteed, have I listed enough?” She mussed.
He shrugged, “I guess so. A lot of those, I noticed have to do with riding animals, why don’t you people just use cars and trucks?”
“To keep the spirit of cowboy alive”
The truck rumbled on, churning up dust from the well used red dirt country road.
Tina put the Ford in park as they approached an old ranch home, “You can step out and go to the house, one of the hands are in there, Zach I suppose he’s been stealing my food. Just tell him Tina sent you and he’ll let you in.”
Die Fledermous nodded and jumped out of the vehicle. He made his way to the house, which was heavily weathered and showed it had been around longer than most humans. He stood on the front porch and knocked. A little girl answered it.
“Hello, what are you doing here?” The child asked.
“I’m Die Fledermous, Tina sent me.”
“Hold on. Zach! There’s a guy in tights and tall boots on our front porch!” She turned back to Die Fledermous, “Just a moment.”
“Tights and tall boots? Is it the English rider who wants our Arabian mare? If it is, you can tell ‘im to go to hell,” A young male voice called out from another room.
“No, he’s got a cape, and big ears, and a big nose, and claws, and…”
“What!” The sound of swift footsteps came as a man, presumably about eighteen years old, showed up at the door, “Who the hell are you? Batman’s son?”
Die Fledermous frowned, “Actually, for the millionth time, I’m, Die Fledermous! I’m a super-hero, not an…english rider, whatever that is,” He folded his arms in disgust, “And Tina sent me.”
“Alright, Fleder, come on in, sorry for the mistake.”
Die Fledermous followed the two into the air conditioned home, ‘So, you’re a…hand? What exactly is that?”
Zach shrugged, “It means I’m, well, I work as a helper on this ranch, full time, so I live here. Kinda like, Tina and her husband are my “family”. Get it?”
Die Fleder nodded, then realized it was probably a good thing he didn’t hit on Tina; she was married.
Tina entered the kitchen, “Alright, I guess you’ve met the man in person, Die Fledermous.”
The little girl, who he found was nemed Taylor and was Tina’s daughter, and Zach nodded, Zach wearing a sneer remarked, “Yeah, he sports some weird clothes.”
Die Fledermous rolled his eyes.
“Zach, shut up, I’ll fire you,” Tina frowned.
“I’m sure ya will,” He tossed a Cheeto in his mouth.
“I’m sorry, Die Fledermous, Zach’s not exactly showing you the average hospitality usually displayed around these parts, “ Tina picked up Taylor, I’ll show you to a room you can stay in, follow me.”
Die Fledermous followed her down the hall, who’s walls sported a numerous amount of old western art, and into a guest room.
“Well,” He scratched his chin, “It’s not like my bachelor pad, but hey, it’s better than the street.”
Tina laughed, “Yeah, it’s not exactly a super-hero’s HQ, but, it’s somethin’. Your things are in the truck. When you’re done, it’s supper time, come down to the table, and then, after supper, Zach, or the foreman, will teach you how to ride a horse. But you might want to take off the cape.”
“Take off the cape! Are you insane, woman? I can’t take it off!” He puffed up his chest to make his dramatically long cape look even more dramatic.
“What ever.”
“And, it’s already dinner?” He asked, tone sounding puzzled.
“Fleder, lunch is called supper out here.”
“Ah, I see, like, cowboy slang?”
“Like, chuck, and y’all, and, and dude.”
“Yes! You’re obnoxious.” She chuckled, letting Taylor rest her head of her bare shoulder.
“Why do you think I’m single? Well, besides the fact I fear commitment.”
“Alright, unpack.” She left the room.
About an hour or two later, Die Fledermous stood beside a fairly small, 13 hand horse.
(A hand is equal to four inches. The horse, or pony, is measured by hands, from withers, the shoulder, to the hooves. Horse lesson is over, class.)
“Die fleder, this is Gumbi, the Pony of the Americas. Beware, his size is deceiving.” Zach patted the pony on the withers.
“Gumbi, huh? He’s awful short, though”
“Aw shit, you made him mad, idiot,” Zach sneered.
“Just cut to the chase, cowboy.” Die Fledermous sighed, beginning to feel frustrated.
“Okay, put your left foot in the left stirrup, then swing up, and hold the reins like this, and hold your thumbs out like that and…you’re on a horse!”
Sure enough, he sat up on Gumbi.
“Okay, I’m gonna get you to bond a bit with the horse, so, walk around a bit.”
Die Fledermous started at a choppy trot.
“Sit up in the saddle,” Zach commanded.
Die Fledermous frowned, not enjoying the fact a kid was bossing him around.
“So, Fleder, can you do anything, well…super? Like flying?” Zach queried.
“No. I just use all my power and fight.” He lied with pride.
Gumbi buckled a bit, and stopped walking, eyes rolling to show the white.
Zach grinned devilishly, “Oh boy, here comes the good part, city slicker! Hold on tight, Gumbi’s gonna test ya!”
“Huh…?” Die Fledermous didn’t get the chance to receive an explanation. Gumbi bucked him off, flinging him through the air and over the corrals fence about six feet.
Zach cracked up, tears rolling down his cheek, “Oh man, you shoulda seen yourself fly! I thought…you…s-said ya couldn’t fly! Man, you were like, totally, wham!”
Die Fledermous rose off the ground, grunted, and glared at Gumbi, then Zach, “Eehem. I just didn’t gather myself up. I’m to good for that thing, he couldn’t handle my moves, weakling.”
Zach steadied himself against the corral fencing, still laughing hysterically.
“Is Zach givin’ you trouble, Die Fledermous?” A man, six foot six inches tall, cowboy hat and wearing Wranglers, gave him a friendly smile.
Die Fledermous slapped himself all over, trying to remove all the dust from his fall, “ Yes, you could say that. Who are you?”
“I’m Toby Carter. My wife brought you home.” Toby rested his elbow on the fence.
“Oh yes.”
“Okay, what Zach didn’t tell you, is that you shouldn’t use a bit since you’re a beginner, only experts can use bridles with bits because their use if to put pressure on the animal. And, you should do some lunging before you actually get on Gumbi.”
Die Fledermous frowned, “I think my butt needs a few moments of recuperation. “
Toby chuckled, “Okay, kid.”
That night, Die Fledermous lay on his temporary bed, an uncomfortable one at that. It was quieter than The City. No cars, no sirens, no…
“I can’t take it anymore!” He rolled onto his side and turned on his laptop once more and booked yet another ticket, only this time to The City. Contented with the fact he’d be home tomorrow, he fell fast asleep.
Six o’clock or so, he sat up and stretched. Sleeping in his gear was fairly…okay really uncomfortable, but it was better than having his identity released, as if anyone would recognize him.
He stood up a snuck out of his room and down the hall, to the living room where he had placed his belongings the previous night. He loaded them into the old Ford, the chilly Tennessee air stinging through his clothing, and turned it on, mentally going over the things he wrote on the note he left for the Carter family. He climbed into the drivers seat and started off down the road, Buddy, a border collie, the Carter’s ranch dog, trailing behind him until he left the property.
He seated himself in a seat of the nearly empty plane once more. Since it was a fairly early flight, he was the only one on the plane. The ride was long and slow; until he was awaken by a sudden flash.
“What the…” He peered out the window. Light covered the entire Earth.
“What’s going on!” The pilot yelled from the driver’s compartment.
“I don’t know! Why, how would I know!” Die Fledermous clung to the seat.
“You’re the super hero, do some thing! The plane’s about to land in The City!” The pilot screamed.
He closed his eyes, what’s going on?
The plane landed with a thud. He climbed out of the beat up craft. The airport was like a goast town; only he and the pilot wandered it.
“What…what happened?” The somewhat short man asked, looking around in awe, “I’d say the whole place is…abandoned, empty.”
Die Fledermous had to agree. Not one thing moved, “I don’t even hear any cars on the freeway.”
The pilot nodded.
“I’d say…we’re the only one’s left in the entire town, all alone, by our selves, no citizens, no mayor, no…no nothing, we’re just all alone.” Die Fledermous began to furthermore dramatize the situation.
“I gotta go home, I need to see if my wife and kids are there,” and with that, the pilot rushed off.
“Oh man, now I‘m all alone!” His gaze shifted to a lone car, a Ford mustang, sitting in park, “Maybe if I bring it back, no one will know I took it.” He hopped in and sped off down the open freeway.
He screeched to a halt in front of Arthur and Tick’s apartment, “Tick! Arthur! Heeeeeeelp!” He dashed up the stairs and skidded to a halt in front of the door and banged on it, “Tiiiiick! Aaaarthhhuuurr!”
When no one answered, he tore the door open and ran inside, “Tick?” He looked into the kitchen, “Arthur?” He peered into Arthur’s bedroom, “Speeeeeeeeaaaaak?” No one was home, but then Speak came stumbling around the corner, drool dripping from his mouth and moaning as if he was in pain, but he wasn’t. The whole town was empty except for animals, “Oh, man this is bad. And what’s worse? Sewer Urchin’s not here to say, ‘very bad, defiantly!’ Thissucks! No one’s here!”
He sat on the couch and shook his head, and then…the lights went out. “What!” He shouted in disbelief. Not one electronic item was working. He jogged out of the building and to the Ford car, it wouldn’t start, “How could this get worse? Hey, sky, that’s the part when it rains!”
He leaned against the car and began hitting his head on it, as if it would make the problem go away. “Okay, Die Fleder, think, think, think…wait! While I was high in the air, and, some one must have, er, what could they have done? Some how abducted the entire world, but missed the pilot and I! And now…I’m still alone.” He wracked his mind for the answer to this annoying riddle. Okay, okay, okay…”
“Die Fledermous?”
Die Fledermous turned towards the familiar voice that called his name.
“Wah? Stinky!” Die Fledermous rushed on over to his reeking, spiky, purple friend and picked him up, “I’m not alone!”
“Uuh, defiantly being squashed, yeah,” Sewer Urchin sighed.
“What’s going on? Any idea? And, how’d you get here? I thought I was the only one left!” Die Fledermous released him.
“I was in the sewer, the walls of my home blocked the rays.”
“What rays? Was the world really… abducted?”
“Yeah, the whole world, defiantly abducted by the terrorist.”
“Wow. I thought the terrorist being gone was too good to be true, and, hey! My guess of what happened was right!”
Sewer Urchin shook his head, “We have to get to Salyer, a small town about fifty miles from here.”
“But, the cars don’t work, they’re all down,” Die Fledermous mused.
“We’ll have to walk,” Sewer Urchin said drearily.
“Or, we could walk to the farm on the outskirts of town, and then, we’ll ride,” Die Fledermous grinned at his idea.
“Ride what?” Sewer Urchin asked.
“A horse, of course.”
“This place smells like my home,” Sewer Urchin placed a hand on a palomino horse’s back.
“Yeah. But we’ll have to saddle them…or ride bare back,” He patted the animal lightly.
“Did you exactly go to California or did you go to cowboy country?”
“Cowboy country. All right, someone left a few saddles here, I’ll show you how to ride.” Within five minuets, the two were seated up on two horses,
“Oh, very high, defiantly very high,” Sewer Urchin swallowed as he peered to the ground from the top of his seventeen hand draft horse.
Die fledermous chuckled as he directed his friend the way he was, minus the teasing.
The two trotted steadily down the road, “So is Salyer the terrorist HQ?” Die Fleder queried.
“How do you know?”
“I researched it before the power went out. Apparently, the only people left on Earth are the ones who were passed the restricted air limits and who were in a sewer home, like you and me. And officially, the people of Earth aren’t gone from Earth. They’re, well, they are being stored, in a program,” Sewer Urchin explained.
“Huh? How can a solid be stored in a file, or, program?”
“It’s hard to explain. They just broke down the cells…and stored them.”
“Eew, gross.” Die Fledermous mingled on the strange thought, “Do you think the terrorist joined with The Terror? You know, the old guy who joined the Joseph Stalin guy?”
“Uh huh. I heard the Man Eating Cow’s there too,” He replied.
“Man, what a waste of a good steak.”
Sewer Urchin chuckled, “We’re here.”
Die fledermous glanced up at the small green city limits sign that should now only read zero, “This is it? It’s puny! A town of ants couldn’t live here!”
“Why do you think The Terror chose this town? No one who’s left would normally suspect them,” He said.
They galloped to the old school house. It was a fairly small one, kindergarten to high school would participate in it, “How should we do this?”
“I’m not sure,” Sewer Urchin mused.
“Let’s do what Tick would do,” Die Fledermous suggested.
If the Homeland Security color code ever gets to "red", we'll be king the law by leaving our homes, according to the research I've done. We know where this is heading and that we will win but I'm a
“Spoooooooooon!” Die Fledermous yeller out Tick’s battle cry.
“Moooooo!” You-know-who shouted.
“Get the insane man in a bat costume!” A man in robe-like apparel screamed to the other men.
“Hey, that’s totally not describing my coolness,” Die Fledermous folded his arms
“Stop being bad!” Sewer Urchin burst into the room.
“What the?” The Terror turned around.
Die Fledermous stopped in his tracks beside Sewer Urchin and realized what he just did, “Ah! Stinky, what do I do?”
“What does Tick do?”
“Is that all you can say? Tick is HUGE! HE could go BOWLING with them!” Die Fledermous dodged a man who just furiously lunged at him.
“Huh, what else do we do!” Sewer Urchin yelled.
Die Fledermous attempted to pick up a chair, but it wouldn’t budge, ” Oh man, no! Chair Face!” He ran in terror from the chair-headed man, only to run smack dab into a large glass jar.
He peered closer at its contents, “Betty? Hell no! This is a nightmare,” He shifted his gaze to his friend, who was battling, “Oh God not the Swiss!” He flinched at the memory of being beat up, and then someone pushed him to the ground, “Huh?”
It was Ottoman, “Die Fledermous you stupid idiotic God damned commitment fearer, you and your stupid patriotic girlfriend! I’ll never forgive you!”
“Ahh! Let me go you big piece of furniture! You’re squashing…” As he struggled through her twisting his arm behind his back, he realized…American Maid. Was she okay?
With all his force he pushed The Ottoman onto her back, “It really is too bad you’re so cute, baby,” He tossed her into the wardrobe nearby, only to find the whole thing spat her back out, “Ah, you try to do this to me, you chunk of fire wood?” He tossed her in once more, but this time locked it, “Ha!”
“Woo! Stinky! I fought my first evil guy!” He laughed and looked up. Sewer Urchin was struggling to get the Evil Midnight Bomber off his back, “Ahh! Help, Fleder!”
“Yeah, boom, baby, boom, we’re gonna blow the WHOLE placcccccccccccccccccce up, boom, baby, boom!”
“Get him off!”
Die Fledermous ran over and grabbed The Evil Midnight Bombers back and pulled hard, “Get, off, Stinky!”
“Yeah heah heah heah baby, boom!” He shouted, holding on to Sewer Urchin’s pack yet even tighter.
Die Fledermous tore him off just in time to see Proto Clown charging towards him, “Clown! Big clown!”
Sewer Urchin gasped, “Don’t faint, Die Fleder, don’t faint!”
He stood there, standing face to face with Proto, shaking, “Stinky, I’m…I’m gonna…barf…”
Proto clown stopped growling and stood up.
“Uh, what are you doing?” Die Fleder covered his mouth for obvious reasons.
“Not laughing?” He grunted.
“No, you’re not funny! I’m gonna barf!”
“Ahhh!” The huge clown turned and began to rampage on the enemy.
“Wow, totally unexpected.” Die Fleder mused.
Sewer Urchin made a run for a fairly large computer, “Die Fledermous! We can’t…let them…empty the trash!”
Die Fledermous followed close by, shoving others out of his way, until One Ton Man blocked his way.
Die Fledermous and Sewer Urchin stood, jaws dropped, peering at the huge man’s hand, then burst out laughing, “Handy?” Die Fleder began, “You…You look like a…a quilt!”
“You idiot! This is the best One Ton Man’s old grandma could do! You jerk! Read a book!” The puppet screamed, “Eat them!”
The two stopped laughing, “Run, Stinky!” The two scattered out of his way.
Then, a huge rumbling noise came from above, then, a familiar voice, “Where is my friend?”
It was Omnipotus.
“Well, where is he!” He bellowed.
All the evil stopped in their tracks, “Wow, he’s HUGE!” The Terror exclaimed.
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll EAT YOUR PLANET!”
“No! No, don’t do that, there’s no need for that kind of violence!” Chair Face begged.
Then, Omnipotus paused, “You put him in the chair!”
Die Fledermous’s jaw dropped, did that mean…the comfortable chair? Oh, this would be hard.
They all turned to the corner, where more than one The Worlds Most Comfortable Chair sat, with the Tick, Arthur, Crusading Chameleon, and American Maid seated in them.
“Boy did they stoop to some pretty low measures,” Die fledermous sighed.
Sewer Urchin nodded, “Defiantly very low measures.”
Die fleder ran over to them, “Hey, wake up! Evil, Tick! Evil!”
Tick didn’t budge, he just goofily grinned.
Omnipotus glared, “I’ll get him out!” He bent down and removed him from it, “What?” Tick shouted, “I’m free! Where am…” He studied his surroundings, “Egad! They’re everywhere! Evil has littered itself upon one tiny spot!”
Tick glanced at Die Fledermous, “Well, I expected you to be curled up with some girl at home, not here to save the world!” Tick glanced upward, “Thanks, chum!”
“No problem, friend!” Omnipotus flew up and left the scene.
Tick turned to Die fleder and Sewer Urchin, “What are we waiting fir? Let us fight for justice!”
The three, four including Proto Clown, charged at everyone.
“Take that, you so-called neutral Swiss! You stepped on my hand and it really hurt! You never did anything for us in the war, ahhhhhh!” Die Fledermous, full of energy, began pounding at them with a broom.
Yet another loud rumbling noise came from above, only this time, it was the Heys and the Whats.
They began abtucting the terrorist, one by one.
“fow, vif if one freird dway!” Die fleder exclaimed in a muffled voice, for one of the Swiss were covering his mouth.
Fhe room slowly narrowed down to a few people. The fight was finally ending and dwindling down to nothing. They were almost done.
“Die fledermous, you have to pull out the trash!” Sewer Urchin shouted.
“Whah?” He tied up the last of the Swiss.
“On the computer! You’re the only one who knows how to do it! I have no idea how to use a computer, defiantly!”
Die Fledermous rushed to the computer and sat in the chair. He clicked on the trash bin, “Come on, come on! Don’t you evil people have cable Internet! Or at least some thing more updated!” The word, loading, continually flashed on the screen, “Man, this is lame! Hurry, hurry!” he impatiently tapped his fingers on the keyboard, then, two words, ‘attempting to empty trash’ appeared on the screen, “Noooooo! No, no! Control, alt, delete, control alt delete, man, you are just scrap material! Come on!”
Finally, it began to up-load what ever was in the trash, “Hey!” Die Fleder chuckled, “Someone put a Britney Spears song into the trash! And…what a dink, who’d listen to her here?”
Brain Child blushed.
“What ever, “Die Fledermous sneered.
The computer stated that his command was complete, “Every one’s out!” Die fleder shouted.
Tick rose from the ground, “And evil has been defeated!”
“And by arm has been bruised, defiantly bruised,” Sewer Urchin rubbed in the spot Brain Child hit him.
The group turned towards the others, who still remained under the spell of the chairs.
Tick and Sewer Urchin worked on Arthur and Crusading Chameleon while Die Fledermous worked on American Maid, “Hey, you can get up! It’s not that comfortable, I guarantee you!” He rested his hand on the armrest, “Ooh, maybe it is, no! Okay, snap out of it, Die fleder, you can do it.” He shook her hard, “American Maid! Get up!”
She opened her eyes part way, “Oh, hello, Die Fledermous, lovely day, is it not? I could stay here for ever.”
“Babe, snap out of it!” He flipped the chair over and she tumbled out.
“Hey…Woa, wait, thanks,” She stood up and stretched, “What I miss? Wait, I don’t want to talk to you! You…you…!”
Tick grabbed her before she could hurl a shoe at Die Fledermous, “Woa there. He and sewer Urchin just saved us all!”
She stopped in her tracks, “Really? No way, He faints at the sight of a clown! We called him Die Faintermous! That’s crazy.” She looked him straight in the eye, “You really did do it, didn’t you?”
He shrugged, “It doesn’t change anything, I suppose.”
She ran over and hugged him, “It changes every thing.”
“Well, chums, it seems we’ve all learned something today,” Tick mused as the whole group, Tick, Die Fledermous, American Maid, Arthur, Sewer Urchin, and Crusading Chameleon, sat in the diner eating dinner.
“What did you guys learn? All that happened to you was you got abducted,” Die Fledermous glanced over his BLT.
“Well, actually, we did!” Tick replied solemnly, “We all learned, computers really are evil, not just to the old people who treat them like foreign objects. That no matter how many times we set the Man Eating Cow out to pasture, he always comes back! And that you can clone couches, who would have thought something like that! And, that Die Fledermous can actually fight evil and not just flirt with it!”
“We get it!” Die fledermous barked with a laugh.
American Maid placed her arm around him, “He’s right though.”
“About what, the Man Eating cow?” He grinned.
“No! You!” She slapped the back of his head, but this time playfully.
“Well, chums, the point is, when push comes to shove, you shove push right back! And if push shoves you back again, beat push with a broom! And if that doesn’t work, just delete push on the computer!” Tick patted Die Fledermous on the back, “And oh oh yes that’s just what you did, my friend, you beat push with the broom of justice, and you used the other end to sweep him out the door of life!”
A crash came from the other end of the building.
“Get him! He just stole five hundred bucks!” The man behind the cash register, Matt, shouted, pointing to a guy scampering out the door.
Die fledermous ducked out from American Maids arms and under the table.
“Guys,” She laughed, “Some things just aren’t supposed to change.”


© Copyright 2005 by Claire Nicole Callesen. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Claire Nicole Callesen. Permission has been granted to Michael Legg for his web site and For more info on me, g2
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